Not content with destroying the present and future, Climate Change decided to go for a hat-trick and take out the past as well.
Episode 8: In which the water nymphs reclaim their archaeology, and Zeus reveals his one rule in determining which tunics he will chase.
This episode of Real Housewives of Mt. Olympus brought to you by the latest archaeological news (here and here) on SmithsonianMagazine.com – and by CLAS-A 301 Classical Archaeology.
ZEUS, KING OF GODS AND PERPETUAL HORN-DOG (seeing Demeter and Thetis approaching): Oh no…(starts gathering clouds to hide behind)
THETIS, SEA-NYMPH AND MOTHER OF ACHILLES: Zeus! Don’t try that “I’m just a little black rain cloud” routine. It didn’t fool Hera and it’s not going to fool us. You’re the god of judgment. Sit in judgment for once!
ZEUS (swishing away clouds): What seems to be the problem?
THETIS: Demeter is drying out the world again! And she’s uncovering a bunch of underwater archaeological sites in the process. She’s stealing them from our society of Water Nymphs!
DEMETER, GODDESS OF CROPS AND SISTER OF ZEUS: For the last time, I’m not doing anything! The mortals are ruining the planet this time, not me.
THETIS: So you’re not withholding the rain to starve mankind and punish the gods?
ZEUS: You did do that one time.
DEMETER: One time! And only because you let our brother kidnap our daughter Persephone! I was only trying to force your hand and get her back from the Underworld.
And you thought your family dinners were intense.
THETIS: Wait, you had kids with both your sisters? Am I the only person you won’t sleep with?
ZEUS: My one and only rule in the sack is that I’m not touching any chick with a prophecy that her child will be greater than the father. I learned my lesson with Metis. Once I found out about her prophecy, the only solution I could think of was to eat her, and then our kid Athena popped out of my head. Fully dressed!
DEMETER: Yeah, why does she dress like that?
And you thought your family dinners were intense.
THETIS: Look at what Demeter’s drought has exposed! She stole a 3,400 year old city in Iraq from the Nereids and a WWII barge in an Italian River from the Naiads!
DEMETER: Why do you even care? Were you currently using that city?
THETIS: We were protecting them! The only reason the city is still around is because it’s been preserved underwater. With things just popping up left and right, the mortals who take care of the ancient stuff can’t protect all the exposed material from the weather or thieves who want to strip the sites for parts.
ZEUS: I do like preserving the material remains of the past. Otherwise mortals forget about us. They die absurdly easily and quickly, it’s hard to keep anything in the collective mind for very long.
DEMETER: I agree, but again, it’s not me that is drying up the world. It’s the mortals and their greenhouse gasses. They’re warming up the entire planet. Fires, tornadoes, drought, you name it, they’ve been causing it.
ZEUS: Wait, that’s my job! Are the mortals trying to smite themselves?
DEMETER: I don’t know if they’re doing it intentionally but they are quite good at it.
ZEUS: That’s it. I’m going down there! (disappears in a puff of cloud)
THETIS: He’s going to get distracted by a pretty face, isn’t he.
DEMETER: Absolutely.
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To explore the politics of preserving of archaeological sites in increasingly difficult conditions, enroll in CLAS-A 301 Classical Archaeology, coming up Fall 2024, no pre-reqs or previous experience required. Or for more exploits of the Greek gods, and how their myths shaped Ancient Greek and modern societies, enroll in CLAS-C 205 Classical Mythology, also coming up Summer I and II 2023 and Fall 2023, and earn GEC credits while you’re at it! While you’re waiting, make sure to check back for further adventures of Zeus, Demeter, and Thetis. Can’t get enough of Ancient Greece and Rome? Earn a Classics Minor in just 15 credits!
