Baby pics of Stonehenge playing in the bathtub were adorable.
This cross-over episode of Real Housewives of Hades (a Mt. Olympus spin-off) and Real Housewives of Mt. Olympus brought to you by the latest archaeological news (here and here) on CNN.com – and by CLAS-B 312 Plague, Disasters, and Death.
[SETTING: a pomegranate grove outside Hades’ Palace]
THETIS, SEA-NYMPH AND RELUCTANT MOTHER OF ACHILLES: Why, Persephone! Fancy meeting you here. I thought you’d be up on Mt. Olympus with your mother.
PERSEPHONE, QUEEN OF THE UNDERWORLD AND RELUCTANT WIFE OF HADES: Honestly, it’s getting too hot up there. The Underworld may be a dank land of darkness but at least it’s a reasonable temperature. What brings you down here?
THETIS: (overly casually) Oh, you know, just going for a walk with my son. You remember Achilles?
PERSEPHONE: Yeah, we’ve met. Achilles, you have to stop spamming the suggestion boxes. We know there’s no glory down here. That’s the point of the Underworld. Also there’s no suggestion boxes. Stop having Daedalus make you those.
THETIS: Speaking of temperature, I was hoping you would have a word with your mother Demeter about how she’s boiling the earth alive and stealing all the underwater mortal sites from me and my nymphs.
PERSEPHONE: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
THETIS: Oh really. So it isn’t your mother that is causing the skyrocketing temperatures and droughts. Like the one in China that exposed Buddhist statuary on the dried bottom of a river?
PERSEPHONE: What’s a China?
THETIS: Or the one that’s exposed a stone henge beneath a desiccated reservoir in Hispania?
PERSEPHONE: Stonehenge sounds familiar. I think a guy in the Architects’ Grove is always going on about that. I didn’t realize he built Stonehenge underwater. That really is a pretty impressive architectural feat.
THETIS: Not the Stonehenge, a stone henge. You know what, it doesn’t matter. The point is it’s my domain. You already have your Stonehenge on the ground, you don’t need mine. Tell your mother to knock it off.
ACHILLES: Trust me, your mother does not want to mess with my mother. She was willing to let the Greek army die during an epic war just to get me my proper respect from my bros.
PERSEPHONE: This is an odd pissing contest to get into, but my mother was willing to let the entire human race die just to get me back from her bro. Hey, cool wordplay!
THETIS: (peering at her) Are you high?
PERSEPHONE: Given my life story I certainly hope so. Look, I’ll talk to mom, but I don’t think she has anything to do with this. She’s been pretty chill ever since we worked out my living arrangements.
THETIS: (looking around) That never made any sense to me. You eat a few pomegranate seeds, you have to stay in the Underworld part of the year?
PERSEPHONE: (laughing) Yeah, I told them it was a metaphor for pregnancy or loss of virginity or something. True story: I made it all up so I could get some time away from Mt. Olympus. Would you want to live with your mother all the time?
To explore how the ancients–and particularly the character of Achilles–conceived of the afterlife, enroll in our 1-credit “appetizer” course CLAS-B 312 Plague, Disasters, and Death in the Ancient World, coming up in Fall 2023 with no pre-reqs or previous experience required. Or for more exploits of the Greek gods, and how their myths shaped Ancient Greek and modern societies, enroll in CLAS-C 205 Classical Mythology, coming up Summer I and II 2023 and Fall 2023, and earn GEC credits while you’re at it! While you’re waiting, make sure to check back for further environmental adventures of Thetis, Demeter, and Persephone.Can’t get enough of Ancient Greece and Rome? Earn a Classics Minor in just 15 credits!