Archaeological games of “Duck, Duck, Goose” leave much to be desired.
Episode 1: In which Zeus tries to use a literal floor to distract his wife Hera from his infidelities, and fails spectacularly.
This episode of Real Housewives of Mt. Olympus brought to you by the latest archaeological news on CNN.com – and by CLAS-A 301 Classical Archaeology.
[SETTING: Breakfast in the Palace of the Gods]
HERA, GODDESS OF MARRIAGE AND ZEUS’ SISTER-WIFE-QUEEN (you read that right): So where were you last night?
ZEUS, KING OF GODS AND PERPETUAL HORN-DOG (shuffles papyrus scrolls nervously): I was getting a krater of wine with Apollo in Delphi. Hey, look at this: (reading) “An absolutely fabulous Roman mosaic from the ancient city of Lod (near Tel Aviv, Israel) is returning to a brand new home in a spiffy museum, after a world tour.” Neat!
HERA: What a pathetic attempt to change the subject. Why would I care what the mortals are doing with their interior decorating?
ZEUS: Well, apparently this mosaic doesn’t have any pictures of people on it, so the mortals think it was owned by a Jewish or Christian merchant, since those type of people avoid pictures of us Olympian gods. What‘s a Jewish or Christian merchant?
HERA: No idea, but they sound terrible. I’ll have to smite them later for avoiding my image. How long did it take you to get back from Delos last night?
Leto will soon regret skipping the diapers for her children with Zeus.
ZEUS: Not long, Leto asked Selene to give me a lift in her chariot.
HERA (icily): I thought you said you were in Delphi.
ZEUS: Um…
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Be sure to check in on the continued breakfast banter of Zeus and Hera! To explore how archaeologists reconstruct ancient identity (or at least think they do), enroll in CLAS-A 301 Classical Archaeology, coming Fall 2024, no pre-reqs or previous experience required. Or for more exploits of the Greek gods, and how their myths shaped Ancient Greek and modern societies, enroll in CLAS-C 205 Classical Mythology, coming up Summer I and II and Fall 2023, and earn GEC credits while you’re at it! Can’t get enough of Ancient Greece and Rome? Earn a Classics Minor in just 15 credits!
